Things lost, Never forgotten
by Kaytay
Summary: 6 years after Edward left. yes, another what if Edward never came back story! Bella finds some things she never thought she'd EVER see again. NEW MOON SPOILERS
1. Prologue Authors Note

Things lost, Never forgotten

**A/N: READ: Firstly, This story is set as if Edward left Bella and the rest of New Moon never happened. Bella continued her life in Forks as broken goods, she never met up with Jacob and discovered his secret and any Hallucinations she had were just a bonus. She never tried to find the cause, hearing _him_ hurt too much. Secondly, this is set six years later. Bella is twenty- four and is working at Forks High-school as an English teacher (yes, I know this has been done before but I really can't see her as anything else) Finally, Bella has a five year old daughter named Alice (more on her later) and I guess that's all the background info you need!**

_**Disclaimer: I do not own any of Stephenie Meyer's Characters or New Moon and Twilight. They are amazing the creations of her mind and I have no claim over them at all. However, any Characters I create myself ARE mine and I would appreciate if you didn't steal them OR my storyline.**_

**Thanks xxKaytay**

* * *

Prologue

(External Narrator)

Bella opened the door ever so slightly just to peek in on Alice. Of course, Alice was fine but the knowledge never stopped Bella worrying. The moms at the School called her paranoid. Bella didn't mind, as long as Alice was safe. After all, she was all Bella had left. Bella closed the door quietly and went back to her bedroom where she was reading, Leaving Alice playing with her dolls alone.

Alice soon became bored with the doll she was playing with and stumbled (in a way only a young child can) towards her toy box. She lifted the lid with much effort and found what she was looking for right on top. Her shiny red ball. She picked it up gingerly but her clumsy hands dropped it and the ball rolled out of sight under her bed.

"Bother" she exclaimed, and toddled over to the bed. She was only little and could fit under the small space easily. She reached out for the ball but knocked it out of the way by accident. Under where the ball was, Alice noticed, there was a floorboard loose. Naturally, as an abnormally inquisitive child, she crawled over to investigate. She hooked the floor board up with ease and, to her surprise, there were some objects underneath.

Bella's PoV

I picked up the book and sighed, Romeo and Juliet again. Every year I have to teach this play and every year it makes my chest ache. I can never help remembering that this was the last film I watched with…_him. _Even after six years I cannot think his name. The pain became bearable after Alice was born. I had something to think about, but every now and then something would trigger a memory and remind me, with stunning force, that the hole is still there. I lay back on my bed and closed my eyes.

Behind my lids was Edward's perfect face. I snapped my eyes open again, unwilling to let the pain consume me as I would have done if it were late at night. Alice was still up. She'd notice something was wrong and causing her pain was something I could not forgive myself for. Then, as if she heard me thinking about her, her small frame appeared in my door way.

"Mommy, mommy!" she cried enthusiastically.

"What is it sweetie!?" I replied mimicking her enthusiasm.

"Look what I found!" I swung round to face her only to have the breath knocked out of me. In her small hands she had a CD case, with a blank CD inside, a small wooden box and- this was what had left me breathless- a small pile of photos. On the top print, Edward Cullen's magnificent face was staring up at me.

* * *

**Sorry that was a bit short, but it was just a prologue after all, the next few chapters will be up super soon as I have already written them . I hope you enjoyed it and please review with your first impressions, though I know there is not much to go on. Criticism welcome!**


	2. Lost & Found

Chapter 1: Lost and Found

"Mommy… Are you okay?" Alice asked uncertainly.

Her worried voice dragged me back to reality. The hole in my chest had ripped itself open with a vengeance and I was having trouble breathing.

"Errm... You give those to me..." I managed to mutter and snatched the objects out of her pudgy hands. I felt bad, she was frightened, though it was the best I could do given the circumstances. The pain was almost crippling. I thrust the objects down on the bed, careful not to let my eyes wander to the photograph and I span back to my daughter. I picked her up in my arms and held her to my chest.

"Sorry, sweetie…" I murmured. The pain was lashing about my chest. I set her down before I collapsed. I stroked her face, it seemed I was forgiven.

"Why don't you go play with your toys eh?" Mustering up as much enthusiasm as I could.

"Okay!" she replied and bounced out of the room without another word.

_Children are so forgiving _I thought with a smile.

I swung round again, it was a wonder I wasn't dizzy, to face the unfaceable. The photos were upside down, I couldn't look at them yet. Instead I picked up the wooden box, already knowing what was inside: Two plane tickets to Jacksonville. One for me and one for… I couldn't think about the person I would've shared that journey with… _had he not got bored of me_… I thought with venom. I snapped the lid on the box shut and picked up the jeweled CD case. _This is going to hurt… _I thoughtbut if I didn't face up to it now, I doubted I never would. The hole growled with anticipation as I placed the blank CD in my old CD player. I immediately skipped the first track before even a single note played. Instead my ears were greeted with the familiar, despite the time gap, melody of Esme's favorite. I thought of her kind heart shaped face and my chest ripped again. If this happened when I thought of his family, what would happen when I thought of him? I shuddered. It would be bad. I glanced over to the clock on my bedside table: 7.00pm. Before I could allow myself to look at the upside down pictures I hurried out of the room and put Alice to bed.

Reading to her was torture and pleasure at the same time. Knowing what was waiting for me, there was a lot of fear but, with equal intensity, was a sick anticipation…_I was going to see his face!..._ this was insane! How could I be eager to see him? He hurt me so badly… _Because you love him_...my conscience spoke out to me and, with a sigh, I knew it was true.

I returned to my bedroom. Again the hole snarled with eager anticipation. I walked over and flipped over the print closest to me. It was Edward –ouch- and Charlie watching football. Edward was incomparably lovely and I felt tears brimming over my lids, blurring my vision. However, this was not the Edward I _liked_ to remember. This Edward was the one who left me. The one whose, usually molten, Topaz eyes were dead. I put that print aside and picked up the next.

This was the picture, in my Kitchen, where Edward had his arm round me. I remembered the feeling clearly. It was too formal, the smiles fake. Again, his eyes were dead. Then I reached for the final print, the print that would, undoubtedly, cause the most pain.

I flipped the image over and pain seared through my chest. His liquid Topaz eyes burnt uncaringly up from the photo..._it's just a photo, it's just a photo_… I continued to repeat to myself. However, it didn't help the pain that was consuming me now. I shut my eyes and looked again. That was when something hit me, quite literally like a double-decker bus, his eyes. They were _so_… happy. The emotions in his extraordinarily expressive eyes were that of someone who was _extremely_ happy, someone who was…In love.

I quickly picked up the other two prints, the emotions in his eyes I saw there were different as well. They weren't dead, they were… _painful_, as if he was preparing himself to experience inconceivable hurt.

I processed this in my mind slowly. I could hardly believe the conclusion I was coming up with. My conscience was telling me it was all just wishful thinking, but the rest of my mind (and my body for that matter) were telling me something different: **_He never stopped loving me_**

The wave of nausea that followed was intense, as were the tears that came soon after. _This wasn't my fault..._ _He didn't get bored of m_e ... wait a sec…_ we could've been saved all this pain if he weren't so… BLOODY MASOCHISTIC! _

The sudden anger surprised me and brought me back to my senses at the same time. I was suddenly aware that the CD had come to an end and was automatically re-starting. Oh no, and before I could dash across the room to stop my stereo the first few notes of my lullaby began to play. My knees gave way beneath me and I had to lean back on my bed for support. The waves – no tsunamis of pain that crashed through me now were unbearable. I managed to find strength enough to pull myself up onto my bed and lie down. Tears poured from my eyes as if someone had turned on a tap and weren't planning on shutting it off. I closed my eyes.

For the first time in six years I fell asleep to the sound of my lullaby.

Big mistake.

Despite the fact it had been five years since I had to sleep through my nightmare, nothing had changed. And my revelations on the circumstances of his departure had no effect on it either. I found myself stumbling through the forest by my home and the darkness was thick around me. I could hardly see my hand in front of me and I was searching. Searching and searching. Even though I was completely aware of the fact I was dreaming, and what was going to happen next, I still awoke screaming when I realized there was nothing to search for, he was not coming back. Thankfully, for Alice's sake, my screams were muffled by my pillow.

I looked over to my clock, 1.00am. I swung my legs out of my bed to check on Alice anyway, just in case. I stumbled wearily, yet silently, into her bedroom and saw her tiny sleeping form curled up under her covers. My heart melted. She was so lovely when she slept. She let out a muffled sigh and rolled over. I returned to my room.

I headed back to my bed when I heard my old rocking chair creak in the corner. I froze and turned round slowly.

I was greeted by two, molten, topaz eyes.

**I hope that was a bit more eventful than my prologue! **

**Please review and let me know what you think- good or bad**

**Also if you have found any flaws in my approximations in Bella's Character _please_ let me know, I'd hate to do her an injustice! **

**Thanks again xxKaytay**


	3. Talking

**Thanks to the people who have reviewed and thanks to you I'm uploading this a day early. I was going to wait but frankly I couldn't be bothered! xxKaytay**

* * *

Chapter 2: Talking

"Edward…?"

Okay, definitely another double-decker bus moment.

* * *

Edward's PoV _(about twenty minutes earlier) _

I sat in the old rocking chair feeling disgusting, watching Bella thrash about in her bed. She was having a nightmare; there was no doubt about that.

It was difficult, unbelievably difficult not to dash over there, hold her in my arms, tell her everything was alright, but I knew that it would take time for her to trust me again. If she ever did.

I winced in pain at the thought. She _had_ to forgive me. I couldn't bear it otherwise.

Her effect on me had not changed despite the years, her scent was maddening, but I had hunted recently and I couldn't ever hurt her, I would take a trip straight to Italy if I ever did.

Right on cue, I noticed Bella's breathing to become less steady. I ran into her closet and screwed my eyes shut as I listened to her scream into consciousness.

Then she did something I hadn't expected. She got up, left the room. _What is she doing?... _I thought. Then something dawned on me. It had only been a quiet buzz in the background; I'd been tuning out everyone's thoughts. I mean, what was the point? I couldn't here _hers_. There was someone else here. A child.

Bella had a child.

A child, surely that means there must be a father. I quickly searched the girl's thoughts for any sign of one. Nothing. I relaxed a little - only a little.

My subconscious had led me back to the rocking chair without me realizing. I then heard Bella's footsteps coming back from across the hall. Indecision swept through me. _Should I stay?_ But it was too late; Bella was already back in the room. She hadn't appeared to notice me so I stayed perfectly still. I was good at that. However it was the rocking chair that betrayed me. Bella swung round.

Her eyes widened, it was beautiful. "Edward…?"

She hadn't changed. No, that was a lie. She was more… _womanly._ And it only attracted me more. _What was she now? 24? Jeez._ I couldn't believe it. In my eyes she was just as beautiful, just as lovely, still eighteen.

I was so caught up in my thoughts I almost didn't see her stumble.

My arms shot out to steady her. In a lightning quick movement I scooped her up and placed her in the chair where I was sitting. I went over and sat on the bed.

I looked down at my hands. Even from the half-second she was in my arms, I felt lingering warmth in my hands. I'd missed that. I looked up and stifled a chuckle. She looked just as dazed.

"Edw-...but- I mean" she mumbled, unable to form complete sentences.

"Shhh" I replied and gave her a few seconds to calm down.

"Edward" she said, looking down at her arms where I'd touched her. I guess I'd left a mark on her as well, though her expression was different. Disbelieving, as if she was trying to convince her self I was real and my lingering touch was the only solid proof she had. It made me sad.

"Bella" I replied tenderly "I- I'm _so_ sorry"

"Sorry?" she asked. Confused. Though I saw some of the hot-tempered Bella behind her eyes. I was going to have to be careful.

"Bella, please, allow me to explain" I pleaded, and used my eyes, a little unfairly, to my advantage. After all, we didn't want to wake the child.

"Errm… fine" she replied, slightly dazed.

"Bella when I left you, I swear, I thought I was doing the right thing, thought I was helping you. You don't know how hard it was for me to lie to you like that, to tell you that I didn't want you. Although it was even harder to watch you except my lies so easily. How could you believe me? I thought it would take me forever to even slightly convince you!" It was my turn to be angry.

"I guess I never believed I was worthy of you, I never truly believed such a creature as you could love someone like me. But I think I know better now."

I could feel the shock spread across my face. "What happened?"

"I found these." She held up my gifts "and I sort of had an epiphany"

"I couldn't bear to steal from you Bella. Though I must admit I thought you'd never find them…" I trailed off and began to think again.

"I didn't find them. Alice did."

"Alice?" Alice had been back? I promised Bella a clean break. Alice had been back! I was going to have words with her when I next got in contact. I let an angry growl slip from my chest.

Bella's expression was almost amused. "Not _your_ Alice. I haven't seen her since your family upped and left without even saying goodbye!" I was shocked at the venom in her voice, she obviously hadn't forgotten anything. So much for my sieve theory.

"Alice is the name of my daughter"

I'd forgotten about that. Almost by coincidence my eyes fluttered to a picture of Bella and who I assumed to be Alice on a beach. The child looked about three and she had ice-cream all over her mouth. Bella was laughing at her; I wondered who had taken the photo. Something struck me about the little girl. She looked nothing like Bella. Her wispy blonde hair was at contrast with Bella's rich brown, also her eyes were electric blue, a colour I'd seen somewhere else but I couldn't quite place it.

Bella followed my gaze and smiled sadly. "That was on our last vacation with Charlie, before he… passed on"

I looked up at Bella; her eyes were glazed with tears that were not quite ready to escape.

"Oh Bella, I'm sorry."

"Don't be." She smiled warmly "he was very sick, Death must've been a relief in the end. He's someplace better now" she said with confidence.

"Alice's eyes, they're… unusual" I commented casually.

"They're from her father" Bella blurted out. I looked up into her eyes. I could tell this was a subject she hadn't wanted to touch on. I stared at her deeper. God dammit! Why couldn't I read her thoughts? To my relief, she gave way.

"Edward, what you have to understand is after you left I was in a bad way. Every second seemed to last an hour. My way of coping was to just block everything out, wrap my self in wool. I feel bad now for causing Charlie so much worry. Looking back I must've seemed like an empty shell, like a zombie. But Edward, that was exactly how I felt! Empty." She paused and shook her head.

I assumed she was trying not to remember. I was about to stop her. (Although I didn't want to) causing her pain now would be unforgivable, however, she continued.

"Anyway, life continued around me, despite the fact it dragged, and prom and graduation soon arrived. I was asked to the dance, probably more out of politeness than want. I hadn't exactly been social in the past year. The only one who seemed to genuinely want to go with me was Mike."

"Newton" I growled. And suddenly the truth came crashing into me. As if I'd been hit by a double-decker bus- and if I was human.

She arched her eyebrow impatiently. I'd interrupted her story. I gestured apologetically for her to continue, despite the fact I already new the thing I'd been most anxious about.

"Anyway, I went to the prom with mike, even though there wasn't really anything worse I could think of. I did it for Charlie really, it made me sad knowing I was upsetting him with my… "Zombieness" That night I drank way too much. In a naïve attempt to drag my mind away from who I supposed to share this night with-" then to my surprise she chuckled.

"What? What is it?" I asked urgently, confused by her outburst.

"I guess" she smiled looking up at me "you're technically her father, I mean without your actions, she wouldn't exist!"

I rolled my eyes at her.

"Though Biologically, She is Mike's" She spoke the words in a rush I hoped she'd never say. A loud growl ripped through my chest.

"SHHH!" she whispered urgently "Alice is asleep!"

"Sorry" I murmured apologetically

"Anyway?" she asked sardonically "what do you care? You left me."

Pain filled my eyes. "What about your epiphany? I thought-"I looked up to see amusement in her eyes. She was mocking me. I guess I deserved it. I caused her so much pain. I glared at her nonetheless.

"Your story?" I urged her to finish

"Well soon after I found out I was pregnant with Alice, I guess it was my wakeup call. My first plan was to go back to Florida, stay with Renée. Unfortunately I phoned her to tell her the news and she hung up on me. I haven't heard from her since. Instead, I stayed with Charlie. He was so lovely to me despite what I put him through. I am eternally grateful to him for that. Then – I have no idea how; I managed to get myself through college (after Alice was born) and I got a degree in English literature. I returned home to Forks and got myself a job here at the high school. Six months ago Charlie died and I guess that brings us to now."

I stared at her in awe of how easily she could just tell me about all of these things, terrible things that have happened to her. The guilt washed over me and enveloped me, showing no sign of letting go. I looked down at my hands again.

"Don't be sorry, In fact I should thank you. Alice is the most wonderful thing that has happened to me. She saved my life Edward! I shudder to think of where I'd be now if I hadn't had her. I had to be strong for her, no matter how weak I felt inside. And it made me stronger I'm sure of it. I know that the pain never weakened, I just grew strong enough to bear it."

"I must say, you handled it better than I did. The past six years have been hell, no worse than hell. At least in hell my life would be over, I could forget. No, I was forced to live through every single day. And what was worse was that I brought it upon myself! The only thing that kept me alive was the knowledge that you were still out there. Every morning I had to convince myself not to come running back to Forks and beg you to take me back. I came back just to check on you"

Her face fell.

I quickly added "At first" she looked up again, I continued.

"I followed your scent to this room. I must say, it felt like sneaking into Charlie's bedroom. I saw you, beautiful, lovely, and you were in pain. The nightmare you were so obviously having made me feel sick. I kept trying to convince myself it had nothing to do with me. This was to do with something entirely different. I mean, everyone has nightmares from time to time. But then you called out my name. It wasn't the same as how you used to speak it in your sleep. It was as if you were searching for me."

"I was" she mumbled, and shuddered, trying to shake off the memory.

"And I then knew I couldn't leave again. I had to get you to forgive me… Bella, Can you ever forgive me?"

She paused, and took a deep breath before she spoke again.

* * *

**Oh the drama! Again same with last chapter, please let me know how I'm doing? Especially Edwards character! I know I haven't done too greater job on it but other fanficcers will apreciate how _difficult _he is to imitate. In the words of Bella Swan: "Edward's look wasn't something that could be acheived through imitation"... no truer words have ever been spoken, so _please_ help me make him perfect!**


	4. At last

**Sorry it took me a while to update, I had a creative writing piece due and, unfortuanately, this fanfic would not have me criteria. Anyway, enjoy xxKaytay**

* * *

Chapter 3: At last

_Can you ever forgive me?" _

_She paused, and took a deep breath before she spoke again._

"Promise me" She looked up into my eyes "Promise me Edward"

"Anything" I replied, and I truly meant it.

"Never, ever leave me" She looked at me cautiously, as if she were expecting me to run out of her window again.

"Oh Bella!" I scooped her up off the bed and held her in my arms. "I never could, I never could" I muttered into her hair, she was crying into my chest and, if I were human, I was pretty sure I'd have been crying as well. I looked over at the clock: 1.45 am.

"Bella, you should sleep now" I whispered into her ear.

"I'd rather just stay here" she mumbled against my neck, her warm breath tickling me sending sensations through my body that were still foreign to me, even after all this time.

"I'm not going anywhere Bella" I replied warmly as I lifted us both up and began to walk her over to the bed, she kicked her legs in protest but I just laughed. I pulled the cover back, supporting her weight with just one arm without difficulty and lay her down. I tucked her in and kissed her cheek.

"Sleep now Bella" I lay on top of the covers beside her to keep her as warm as possible and positioned my lips by her ear. I began to hum her lullaby softly and she quickly slipped into unconsciousness.

Bella's PoV

My dreams for the rest of that night were filled with all the memories I had been suppressing for the past six years: Me and Edward in the Meadow, our first kiss, meeting his family, dancing at prom. All memories that before would have possibly sent me into a catatonic state and caused me more pain than physically imaginable, but now I welcomed them. For now they were happy memories as he was back. Back for good and we could now make even more.

My alarm buzzed annoyingly at six am. I groaned and rolled over, still partially asleep. However, to my surprise, I was greeted with Edward's magnificent face, masked with the shock of my sudden closeness.

"Oh!" I exclaimed, surprised. I tried to back up a bit to give him space enough to breathe. Instead he pulled me closer and cupped my face in his hands.

"Good morning" he said so quickly I barely heard it before he pressed his stone lips to mine. _Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in… _he pulled away far too soon, but that was to be expected.

"Good morning" I replied, still gasping for air. He just smiled at me and again, I was stunned.

"You really should stop doing that, I have responsibilities now and if you keep distracting me like this my daughter will starve" I said to him with mock sternness.

"I apologize" he smiled, and gestured for me to go about my daily routine. I got out of bed and grabbed my clothes for the day and my toiletries bag. I headed to bathroom and showered etc. by seven I was pretty much ready to leave. Now it was Alice's turn. I crept into her room, she was still sleeping. I sat on the side of her bed and stroked her tiny cheek.

"Alice, time to get up" I whispered, I was vaguely aware of Edward watching me at the door, scrutinizing my every move.

"Don't wanna go to school" she mumbled.

"Unfortunately you have to!" I said louder this time. I reached under the covers and tickled her belly. She giggled uncontrollably.

"Now hurry up and get dressed! I have someone for you to meet" I headed out of the room, not before setting out some clothes for her to wear. She still hadn't developed a sense of style and if left to her own devises she may come down looking like something from a garage sale. Edward followed me downstairs as I went to set up for breakfast.

"Meet?" he raised an eyebrow.

"You said you won't leave me again, which means you're going to be around here lots, which means Alice is going to have to be introduced to you formally. You see Edward; we're a package deal now." I smiled at him. He laid the table at super-fast vampire speed; I guessed it would be handy having him around.

"What are you going to do today then?" I asked him as we had some time spare before Alice would be ready due to his "abilities"

His eyebrows knitted in confusion "whatever you're doing" he replied as if it were obvious.

"I am a teacher Edward, I'm going to school." His face drooped in realization "People round here will recognize you so you can't be a student unless…" I trailed off.

"Unless…?" he prompted me, not wanting to be away from me as much as I didn't want to be away from him.

"Unless we say you're a student teacher, a student _English_ teacher, then you could work with me!" I replied getting more enthusiastic by the second.

"I guess that could work" his eyes lit up; after all he looked much older than seventeen.

"Though I expect you'll have to work your "magic" on Mrs. Crabapple to get you a post at such short notice…" I mused.

"No problem" he smiled his most breath-taking crooked smile. Just then Alice came bounding down the stairs.

"Mama, mama! Are my choco-puffs ready?" She bounded into the Kitchen eagerly but stopped dead at the table when she noticed we had company. She eyed Edward suspiciously.

"Alice, I'd like you to meet my friend Edward Cullen" I said to her, hoping she would accept him

"Hello Alice" Edward smiled warmly at her.

"Hello" She stared up at him with wide blue eyes; she did look very cute even though she was stunned. After a few seconds she sat up at the table with me and Edward and began to eat her choco-puffs that I'd already made for her, never taking her eyes off of Edward. We ate in silence. Half way through the meal Alice spoke.

"Mister Edward?" Alice asked "Would you like some of my choco-puffs?" I was shocked, but Edward just smiled.

"Not right now, but thank you very much for asking me" he smiled warmly at her again, my eyes teared up- he would make such a great father. She seemed satisfied by his response and began to talk to me normally again and every now and then she'd include Edward in the conversation as well. I breathed a sigh of relief. Everything was going to be just fine.

* * *

**Sorry, not much of a cliffhanger there but chapter 4 will be coming your way soon. Also I just started a new website- it is very new ad unfinished but if want to take a look the adress is ****www.clairdelunex.vegetarian.at**


End file.
